How To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids and Socially Skilled Kids? The Do’s and Don’t of Emotionally Intelligent Parents

“Emotional intelligence is a skill that we are not born with; it is something that we develop. Kids are similar to adults in that children like to do what they are able to do,” says Sandra M. Clifton, MBA, educator, author of the EQ And IQ Learning 10 in 1 Software for ages 2 to 6, co-founder of Positive and Mindful Parenting Program, ParentsHelpParents.Com  and  Emotional Intelligent Young Leader, and the Smart Brain Train Academy.

“Most kids will do what they are capable of doing and able to do; meeting the challenges of a performance-driven society without providing the necessary development tools is unfair to the child,” said Jomo Gamal Thomas, illustrator, author,  co-founder of The Smart Brain Train Academy, and Positive Peers Learning Software.

An emotionally intelligent person would not want to do something that they cannot do.  It is no different for children. Imagine getting hired for a job but given tasks to perform without experience or training and then given a deadline. Would it be realistic that you would be expected to do a good job without any prior experience, skills training, and without mentorship? No. Most people would say that is unrealistic and setting a person up for failure to give them a task to complete without proper training, skills, and experience. This is often the case with diagnoses of ADHD and oppositional defiant children. The expectations placed on children who have meltdowns and who are labeled as defiant are often unrealistic expectations without experience, skills training and without mentorship, they will fail.  In fact, most tantrums and meltdowns with defiant and neurodivergent children are because of unrealistic tasks and unrealistic expectations without any prior understanding experience and lacking cognitive skills.  

“Emotional Intelligence is a superpower and a necessary skill for children to grow up to be leaders,” says Jomo Jesus Thomas Suriel, the bestselling author of the Sid The Super Happy Kid and Laura the Emotions Explorer, emotional intelligence books series. Children can now learn more about emotional intelligence from educational fictitious stories that help them identify emotions, manage emotions and understand coping strategies, like in the Emotions Volcano and the Angry Vacuum by child prodigy Jomo Jesus Thomas Suriel. 

According to the experts at PositiveandMindfulParenting.com.

Here are the top 10 do’s:

1. Validate your child’s feelings.
2. Show compassion and respect for your child’s emotions and feelings.
3. Use positive words to describe your child: “You are loved.”  “You are awesome.”  “You are unique.”  “You can achieve your goals.” “Your feelings are important to me.”  “I care about you and your feelings.”
4. Be Empathetic 
5. Be calm with your child 
6. Be mindful of your body language and tone of voice that you are aware of your emotions and in control of your emotions when communicating with your child.
7. Respect your child’s opinion even if you disagree with  your child’s opinion.
8. Be mindful to set boundaries between yourself and your child and show respect for boundaries and space.
9. Be flexible and positive with your mindset and avoid negative words and expressing negative feelings.
10. Practice positive mantras for your self-care and encourage self-care for your child.

Top 10 actions Emotionally Intelligent Parent don’t do:

1. Don’t ignore your child’s feelings.
2. Don’t call your child crazy.
3. Don’t say the word stupid to your child.
4. Don’t tell your child to shut up.
5. Don’t use baby voices nor shouting at the top of your lungs  to communicate with your child 
6. Don’t ignore your child’s request to stop yelling at them.
7. Don’t tell your child that they don’t know anything.
8. Don’t say your child is manipulative and attention seeking.
9. Don’t bribe your children to behave.
10. Don’t use the word I hate you.

Long gone are the days of a singular approach to parenting such as the authoritarian approach which we will call “the my way or highway dictator style of parenting” that has no regard for collaborating and sharing decisions with the child and usually fails to validate the feelings of the child, says Sandra Clifton. Most importantly, today children need EQ more than they need IQ to be highly effective problem solvers and future leaders and it is the duty of parenta to help them develop these skills.

About the Authors

Jomo Jesus Thomas Suriel is a multi-published author, author of the Sid The Super Happy Kid and Laura The Emotions Explorer,  “The Emotions Volcano” and Amazon #1 best selling new releases for Children’s Education Reference category, the “Angry Vacuum.”  His next upcoming book in his emotional intelligence book series is “The Critical Critters.”  He is a child prodigy, he is bilingual in Spanish and English. His children’s books often include English and Spanish references, plus useful tools for developing emotional intelligence and self-regulation. He is a natural communicator and has a profound understanding of emotional intelligence and self-regulation. Jomo Jesus is a pioneer in the category genre of children’s fiction books in the area of emotional intelligence and emotional regulation. He has a fantastic ability of taking complex ideas and simplifying them for young readers. He also studies Mandarin and Hebrew. His books include the series Sid the Super Happy Kid and Laura the Emotions Explorer, The Emotions Volcano, The Angry Vacuum, and the Super Happy Kid Defeats the Angries, and Super Happy Kid in Angry Land. He is a co-founder of the Smart Brain Train Academy that focuses on both emotional intelligence for children and academic learning as well as leadership.

Jomo Gamal Thomas wears many hats as an author, illustrator, artist, attorney, entrepreneur, and game developer. He has developed children’s education technology and emotional intelligence apps and is the co-founder of the Positive Peers Learning Software Partners, the Smart Brain Train Academy, ParentsHelpParents.com, and Positive and Mindful Parenting. Jomo has written My First Bible for Kids (Old Testament and New Testament). He was inspired by his son, Jomo Jesus Thomas Suriel, to develop mindful education apps, visual social emotional intelligence learning apps, and early social emotional intelligence learning apps for children on the autistic spectrum, ADHD, and ODD.

Editor

Sandra Clifton, MBA, is an educator, entrepreneur, software developer, and founder of the Clifton Academy in New Jersey. She is the co-founder of the Positive Peers Learning Software and the Smart Brain Train Academy. She is co-author and developer of the EI and IQ Academy for Emotionally Intelligent Children and she is the editor of the Emotions Volcano And My First Bible For Kids. She also co-founded parents help parents.com, change child behavior.com and positive and mindful parenting academy. She focuses on Emotional and Social Intelligence for young school children and parents. She co-founded the Emotional Intelligence Youth Leadership Academy.

–Provided by the Smart Brain Train Academy